Friday

Jamaican Husband and Wife Jokes





So this man was impotent and had been for the last 3 years.

Totally unsatisfied with his condition he decided to go visit a "mother woman"

The "mother woman" gave him a very EXPENSIVE  potion and said

          Mother Woman
"drink this, and when you ready for action just say "greng!".

Man
Den how mi know seh, dis a guh  werk?

Mother Woman
Den yuh nuh can test it now. But be warned this will only work 4 times.

So sure enough the man said "greng" and him tings stan up stiff stiff.

Man
Bauxide! Den how mi mek it go down?

Mother Woman
Just say Greng again.

Man
Really, that's all? Greng

And him tings go down.

The man was so excited that he could finally give his wife some that night. He left in a hurry.

Just before he pull the gate and go into his yard, he decided to test it again.

Man
Greng

If things stand up stiff

Man
Greng

If things go down back.

Same time him wife come roun di corner and seh to him.

Wife
What is all this Greng Greng, Greng Greng business mi hear wid out here?

Him cudn ansa
____________________________________________________________
So this couple went to the doctor and for whatever reason, the doctor required a sperm donation from the man. So the doctor gave them a bottle and said to the man put your specimen in this. 

So the man said okay and he and his spouse left the doctor's office. The very next day the man returned to the doctor with an empty bottle

"Doc I tried with one hand and then I tried both hands, but nothing. My wife also tried with one hand and then with both hands still nothing. We even got the girl next door to help.

With that, the doctor exclaimed, "The girl next door!"

Yeah, she is young a fit. Now she used her hands and she even used her mouth.

The doctor's glasses fell off.

She was sweating when she was done

But Doc no matter what all of us tried we just couldn't get this darn bottle opened.

__________________________________________________________________________________________
A wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. She was very upset.
_"You are a disrespectful pig!"_ she cried. _"How dare you do this to me – a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce, NOW!"_
The husband calmly replied, _"Hang on just a minute love. At least let me tell you what happened."_
_"Fine, go ahead",_ the wife sobbed, _"but they will be the last words you say to me!"_
The husband began:
_"Well, as I was getting into the car at work to drive home, this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so distressed, helpless and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car."_
_"She was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty and told me that she hadn't eaten for three days."_
_"Out of compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the pizza I made for you last night that you wouldn’t eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing ate it, ravenously."_
_"She was dirty. I suggested she have a shower. While showering, I noticed her clothes were filthy and threadbare. I threw them away."_
_"I gave her the designer jeans that you’ve had for a few years, but don’t wear because you say they are too tight."_
_"I gave her underwear, your anniversary present from me, which you don’t wear because you said I don't have good taste."_
_"I gave her the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas, that you don’t wear just to annoy her. I also donated those boots you bought at an expensive boutique but don’t wear because someone at work has the same pair."_
The husband paused, took a quick breath and continued:
_"She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, “Please sir... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn’t use?” 
__________________________________________________________________________________________


No comments:

Post a Comment

The 6 secrets to the Jamaican Way of Life

It is not uncommon to hear about dementia and cancer in the states. As a matter f fat it almost seems like a given after you get to a certai...