Black man, Chiney man and White man - Jamaican Jokes

As a child these were the jokes we shared. Since racism was not a thing in Jamaica, it was quite fine to use these jokes. No one took offense to it. We all knew it was a joke.

Post any jokes here that you know about these three characters. Please keep it clean.


Dessert
Don't know why but black man, chiney man and white man were stranded in the desert for some time. They had been walking for what seemed like days and they were tired and very hungry. Suddenly White man stumbles upon something in the sand, and you guessed it. It was a lamp, Chiney man said I have seen this on tv, rub it and a genie will come out and grant wishes. So at Chiney man's request, the white man rubbed the lamp and out popped a genie.

"I am the genie of the lamp, I will grant each of you one wish. So with that white said I want to be the president of America...pling. The lamp fell to the ground, the White man disappeared and re-appeared in the white house with servants and food galore. Chiney man then blurted out, I wish to be emperor of China...Pling...Chiney man disappeared and re-appeared in China as the emperor.

Black man was so confused he didn't know how to make up his  mind. He started his wish several times

"I wish to be....no wait"

I know, I know he said excitedly ,,,,then he stopped and started again

"I wish for....hmmmm...that wont be right!"

then he held his head down in desperation and sighed as he said

"Oh I just wish whiteman and chiney man were here to help me make this decision"

PLING.....whiteman and Chineyman re-appear with blackman in the dessert.

Joke 2 -Offering

So these three men were each heads of their churches. An interview was conducted about the offering and these were the findings.

"So tell me Chiney man, what do you do with the offering on Sunday?"

"Well," came the response "I draw a Biiiig, Biiiig Circle throw the offering in the air and what drops in di circle is God's own. The rest is mine!

"Oh!" said the interviewer; shakes his head and moves on to the next Cleric,

"So tell me White-man, what do you do with the offering on Sunday?"

The offering on Sunday! Oh yes I draw a small square on the ground dash di money in di air an wah drop een-a di square is God own.

The interviewer is shocked! "Really"

"Yes!" White-man shakes his head with a grinn.

So the interviewer moves on to the next Cleric,

"So tell me Black-man, what do you do with the offering on Sunday?"

I don't draw no circle

I don't draw no square

I throw the money up in the air

and what stay up dere is God own.

                               Joke 3 -
O.k. so this is a combination of 3 jokes.. here goes

Blackman, chiney man, and whiteman were travelling for days without any food and now they were very, hungry. They happen to come across this plantation that had many, many fruits on it. So they decided that they would pick some.  They all split up located their favorite fruit and began munching down.

While they were eating, the farmer came out and caught them. The farmer said, "Since I'm in a good mood today, I won't report you to the authorities. (the punishment for stealing was death by a firing squad) The farmer said as punishment though you need to stuff 100 of the fruit you were eating up your ass.

Chiney-man was up first, and he grinned because he knew he ass was deep and further more, he was only picking cherries. So he stuffed and stuffed, but when he got up to about 73 he started struggling and asked the farmer for mercy because he could go no further. The farmer agreed, but Chineyman was not free to go until his other partners in crime had completed the same ordeal.

The Whiteman was up next. Before he even started he said, could you knock 50 off the 100 because I was picking grapes. The farmer said no, so Whiteman began stuffing. It looked like he was about to reach the 100 mark when at 89 he started crying. He started pleading for mercy and said that he would never steal again just let him stop now. The farmer agreed but Whiteman could not go until blackman had completed his share of the ordeal. So whiteman step aside and next to chineyman.

But blackman would not approach the farmer. He started sweating and pacing the floor. Why you pacing, get started the farmer shouted, to which blackman replied, “Sir, I can’t…I was picking coconuts!”

Joke 2

Since Blackman could not fulfill the deal. All three were locked up. However there was a forest close by the prison and the three men escaped into the forest.

The guards had blood hounds that could follow their scent and consequently the men were followed into the forest. All decided to climb trees.

When the blood hound started barking up Whiteman's tree. Whiteman started whistling like a bird. His whistle was so convincing that the men did not bother to look up the tree, but instead beat the dog, for not know the difference between a bird and a man. They then put the dog on the scent of Chineyman.

When the blood hound started barking up Chineyman's tree. Chineyman started Meowing like a cat. His meow was so convincing that the men did not bother to look up the tree, but instead beat the dog, for not know the difference between a cat and a man. They then put the dog on the scent of Blackman.

When the blood hound started barking up Blackman's tree.  Blackman got scared. He knew Whiteman whistled like a bird and Chineyman meowed like a cat. So Blackman panicked and Mooed like a caw. Although his Moo was convincing, the men wanted to see how the hell did this cow get up in the tree. They found blackman.

Not wanting to be caught alone Blackman pointed out that it was Whitemena and Chiney man in the other trees.

                                        Joke 1 -

Now in this country, the punishment for escaping prison was the firing squad.

So they brought whiteman in front the Firing squad near a beachfront. The firing instructor yelled out.

Ready!!

Aim!!

But before he could say another word Whiteman yelled out "Tidal Wave!!!!"

The firing squad dropped their weapons and ran, and Whiteman got away.

Not wanting the Chiney man to try the same stunt they brought him up in some hills in front the Firing squad. The firing instructor yelled out.

Ready!!

Aim!!

But before he could say another word Chineyman yelled out "Avalanche!!!!"

The firing squad dropped their weapons and ran, and Chineyman got away.

Knowing that the blackman was not too smart. They decided that they would just bring him in the back where there was a wooden cabin and do his execution there.

Blackman had heard about how Whiteman and Chineyman had gotten away and was going to try a stunt of his own. The firing instructor yelled out.

Ready!!

Aim!!

But before he could say another word  Blackman yelled out "Fire!!!!"

The firing squad did not drop their weapons. No more blackman.

Who cleans it best

Blackman, Chineyman, and Whiteman were hired as chimney sweepers. The boss asked Whiteman how he would do the job, and Whiteman said he would use a brush to clean the chimney from top to bottom. The boss then asked  Chineyman, how he would do the job, and  Chineyman, said he would use a special vacuum cleaner to suck out all the dirt from the chimney. Finally, the boss asked Blackman  how he would do the job, and Blackman  replied, "Nobody can clean it better than mother nature, So I'd just wait till she did her job!"

All three men were fired.