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One night this Rasta-man was high on his weed while riding his bicycle back from his friend's house. This rasta-man was also battling the flu so in the midst of one of his strides, he lost his balance and fell. This sudden move was more than his poor body could take and he vomited up everything that he had eaten that day.
With the crash and the vomit, Rasta-man became a little dis-oriented. A dog was near by and came to lick up the vomit. The dread looked own at the vomit and said.
"see Ossey rice and peas deh, see the red juice weh Suzy gimme, but I cannot remember ah who give me the dog fi eat."
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As we know one of the things that Rasta-men are known for is the abstinence of eating pork (pig meat). Pluto Shevrington makes a funny song about it.
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Bill wanted to get married to Wendy and wanted to get "WENDY" tattooed
on his Penis. He thought this was a nice gesture to say that he was only for her.
Unfortunately, when he was soft, only the 'W' and 'Y' were visible.
on his Penis. He thought this was a nice gesture to say that he was only for her.
Unfortunately, when he was soft, only the 'W' and 'Y' were visible.
Nevertheless, the proposal went well, and when he whipped it out for her, she happily
accepted his proposal.
accepted his proposal.
Not long after the proposal, they got married and decided to go to Jamaica for their
honeymoon. At the airport, Bill had to stop and take a leak, so he popped into the men's
room. At the urinal next to him was a man with long dreads, and Bill happened to notice
that the man also had 'WY' tattooed on his penis.
honeymoon. At the airport, Bill had to stop and take a leak, so he popped into the men's
room. At the urinal next to him was a man with long dreads, and Bill happened to notice
that the man also had 'WY' tattooed on his penis.
"Sir, I know it's bad manners to look, but I noticed your tattoo. I have the same one.
What are the odds two guys with 'WENDY' tattoos standing next to each other, at the urinal?"
What are the odds two guys with 'WENDY' tattoos standing next to each other, at the urinal?"
The Rastafarian shakes his head gives Bill a funny look, then glances down.
"Mine says "WELCOME TO JAMAICA, MON. HAVE A NICE DAY"
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A Rastaman and his Empress inna court getting a divorce. The problem was who
should get custody of the child.
should get custody of the child.
The Empress jumped up and said “Your honour, I brought the child into this world with
pain and labor. " She should be in my custody.
pain and labor. " She should be in my custody.
The judge turned to the Rastaman and said “What do you have to say in the matter?”
The Rastaman sat down for a while contemplating. Then slowly he rose and said,
“Yow…yuh honor, if I and I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi come out,
ah who fah Pepsi…I and I or the machine?”
“Yow…yuh honor, if I and I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi come out,
ah who fah Pepsi…I and I or the machine?”
__________________________________________________________________________ ok...as the story goes a dread had this parrot that was sitting on his veranda, and everyday this lady would walk pass the parrot on the veranda to go to work. And every day that this parrot saw this lady it would say!
"Hey lady!" and when she would turn around to look,
it would say, "You're Ugly!"
Now, this went on for several mornings. Although the lady was of a truth ugly, she did not
need a bird reminding her of this fact. So fed up with the bird's comments she knocked
on the Dread's gate and told the dread that he needed to get the parrot to stop telling her
that she was ugly!
need a bird reminding her of this fact. So fed up with the bird's comments she knocked
on the Dread's gate and told the dread that he needed to get the parrot to stop telling her
that she was ugly!
To which the Dread replied, "but Empress my bird only speak the truth."
LADY: "Truth or not if this continues I will have you in court for harassment"
DREAD: "Alright empress, no need to threaten with the law, I will do something"
So the next day the woman walks by the veranda again and not to her surprise the parrot
called out to her.
called out to her.
"Hey Lady!" she took out her recording device and then turned to the bird...but the parrot
just shook his head and said
just shook his head and said
"You Know!"
"You know!"
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A dread was dragged into court for stealing a goat. The judge turned to the Dread and asked,
"What is your defense Dread."
"What is your defense Dread."
The dread replied, "Your honor, I have this goat from it ah likkle likkle kid, and mi grow it till it
tun big big goat and now dem wicked people wah seh ah tief di I and I tief mi own goat."
tun big big goat and now dem wicked people wah seh ah tief di I and I tief mi own goat."
'
After hearing this testimony the judge throws out the case.
Not long after the same dread was brought into court for stealing a bicycle this time, the judge
turned to the Dread and asked, "What is your defense this time Dread."
turned to the Dread and asked, "What is your defense this time Dread."
With tears filling his eyes and his voice cracking he dread replied, "Your honor, I have this
bicycle from it ah likkle likkle tricycle, and now it tun big bicycle dem people yah, seh ah tief
di I tief mi own bicycle.
bicycle from it ah likkle likkle tricycle, and now it tun big bicycle dem people yah, seh ah tief
di I tief mi own bicycle.
The judge just ordered the dread locked up and charged for both stealing the goat and bicycle.
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Suh dis lady com pan wah bus in Half Way Tree, heading towards Cross Roads. An as soon
as shi com on pan di bus, dis dread rouna di back start map ar out fram head to toe. Him look
until im simply coodn control imself anymore. Suh im step to the oman.
as shi com on pan di bus, dis dread rouna di back start map ar out fram head to toe. Him look
until im simply coodn control imself anymore. Suh im step to the oman.
"Dawta, yuh av a twin?"
Di lady batting her eyes, and almost blushing look pan di dread an seh
"Ah wah...yuh know wi!?
"No empress, but one smaddi coodn ugly suh!!"
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There was a dread in a district who owned a herd of goat. One day the dread visited his herd in the bushes and found out that someone had painted the goats. Now this made the dread very angry and he was determined to "deal wid" anybody who was brazen enough to paint his goats.
He started shouting and making a rucus in the neighborhood. "Ah who paint me goat dem!?"
He was inquiring all over the place until finally, he met the man who did it.
Ah me boss, ah me paint you goat dem, weh yuh ah guh duh bout it.
To which the dread just said.
Ahhh, mi juss di wah tell yuh seh di first coat dry, and if you want you can come put on the next coat.
Suh dis lady com pan wah bus in Half Way Tree, heading towards Cross Roads. An as soon as shi com on pan bus, dis dread rouna di back start map ar out fram head to toe. Him look until im simply coodn control imself anymore suh im step to the oman.
ReplyDelete"Dawta, yuh av a twin?"
Di lady batting her eyes, smile an look pan di dread an seh
"Ah wah...yuh know wi!?
"No empress, but one smaddi coodn ugly suh!!"