Bredda Anancy Story

Do you know any bredda Anancy stories? Jot them down here. You can find a collection at the

link below as well.

http://www.sacred-texts.com/afr/jas/

Well I am a good story teller, so although I don't know any bredda anancy stories I am sure I

can make one up, if given some characters.

Let's see I', going to tell a story involving bredda anancy, him wife and bredda mongoose. Here

goes.

One bright morning, Anancy conceived a plan to gather food for the upcoming harvest festival.

He decided that he would trick the other villagers into sharing their crops with him. He told Nia

(his wife) about his idea, but she frowned, urging him to consider a kinder approach. "Why not

ask for help instead of tricking them?" she suggested gently.

"Kindness is good, Nia, but cleverness is better. I will prove it to you," Anancy replied

confidently, dismissing her concerns.

On his way to execute his master plan, he met Bredda Mongoose carrying a bag of food. "What

are you up to, Bredda Anancy?" he inquired, his eyes curious.

"I'm planning to trick the villagers into sharing their harvest with me," Anancy boasted, a sly grin

on his face.

Bredda Mongoose tilted his head, contemplating the spider's words. "But what if they find you

out? You may lose their trust forever."

Anancy waved a hand dismissively. "Trust is overrated. I’m clever enough to handle any

consequences."

Bredda Mongoose told Bredda anancy about a time when he had helped a lost bird find its way

home. "I showed kindness, and in return, the bird brought me many seeds to plant. It’s better to

treat others well," Bredda Mongoose said.

But Anancy was not convinced. He carried on with his trickery, spinning elaborate tales to the

villagers about how he had discovered a secret treasure that would make them rich. Intrigued

and excited, the villagers began to bring him their crops, believing they would indeed gain rich

rewards in return.

However, as time passed and no reward was forthcoming, Anancy’s ingenious plan started to back

fire. The once eager to share villagers, began to grow suspicious and  turned away from him,

leaving Anancy alone and hungry.  

Despondent and regretful, Anancy sought solace in the shade of a tree where he had first met

Bredda Mongoose. To Anancy’s delight Bredda mongoose appeared, his eyes filled with

understanding. "I warned you, Anancy. Kindness may seem weak, but it builds bridges that

cleverness cannot."

Feeling ashamed, Anancy inquired, but what shall I do now? Bredda Mongoose replied, “ Let the

villagers know that you are sorry for your deceit. Heeding the wise old mongoose’s words bredda

anancy started to go around the village again, this time  apologizing with humility. 

One by one he approached the villagers,  "I was wrong to trick you," he admitted. "I should have

been kind instead."  To his surprise, the villagers listened. Touched by his sincerity, they decided

to forgive him. They offered him food, not out of obligation, but out of compassion. 

Anancy realized that kindness had the power to heal wounds and restore broken bonds.

From that day forward, Anancy vowed to be more like Nia and Bredda Mongoose. He learned that

while cleverness could win a game, kindness could win hearts. And so, the moral rang true: it is

always good to be kind, for kindness has the power to transform lives and create lasting connections.

Misc Jamaican Jokes

The jokes I'm going to jot down here don't really have a category. If you think I have listed a joke here inappropriately please leave comments in the section below.

______________________________________________________________________________

I overheard this one the other day as two young black children spoke. I thought it was funny and worthy of mention.

Person 1. What's the name of the Negger that plays terminator?

Person 2 Neggar!? What do you mean?

Person 1. Yeah! Yeah! What's his name?

Person 2. I don't know of any black person playing in the terminator movie series.

Person1. No No No, you mis-understand me

Person 2. I sure do

Person 3. You mean Schwarzenegger?

Person 1. That's exactly who I mean. And here you were thinking that I was using the N-word out of place. That's is his actual name right?

I could not say a word. The conversations kids have.

_________________________________________________________________________________

https://jamaicans.com/jamaicanjokes/

One night a man was relaxing watching TV when out of the kitchen comes his wife with 

a frying pan and hits her husband with.

 –BOOF!–

 “ah who name Shiela?” asked the wife accusatively

, “Mi find this paper eena yuh pocket wid di name Shiela pon it, who she?”. 

The man still rubbing his headback replies 

“Lawks me and Richie did dung ah di racetrack tiddeh an dat is di name of di

horse weh we bet pan, a wah duh yuh oman?!!”. 

So the wife apologized, kissed his and headback and promised to make it better later,

then went back to her chores. The house phone in the kitchen rings and the wife answers.

She storms out of the kitchen with the same frying pot and hits the husband twice this

time.

–BOOF!! BAM!!– 

“Oman!!! A WHA DUH YUH?!!” shouted the husband, 

and the wife responds “YUH HORSE DEH PON DI PHONE!!

___________________________________________________________________________

A Jamaican guy enters a restaurant and while sitting at his table he notices a gorgeous woman

sitting at another table alone. he calls the waiter over and asks for a bottle of the most expensive champagne to be sent over to her knowing that if she accepts it she will be his.

The waiter gets the bottle and quickly takes it over to the young lady, saying that it’s from the

gentleman over there. She takes one look at the champagne and decides to send a note back to

the Jamaican, the note reads…

“For me to accept this bottle you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million in the bank and

9 inches in your trousers.”

After Reading this note the Jamaican sends back a note of his own, it reads…

“Jus su yuh know…me av a bran new benz an a bran new bimma park up inna mi yard, an mi

av over 10 million inna de bank but nuhbaddy an mi mean NUHBADDY nah gon mek mi cut 3 inches off a wah mi av inna mi pants…suh yuh can jus sen back di champagne!”

_____________________________________________________________________________

Jamaican Natty Dread Jokes

Apart from long hair, Rastamen are also known for cursing(profanity) up a storm. I have searched high and low and have tried to reproduce the few jokes I know without any curse words. If you can think of any others please post them here.
_______________________________________________________________________________

One night this Rasta-man was high on his weed while riding his bicycle back from his friend's house. This rasta-man was also battling the flu so in the midst of one of his strides, he lost his balance and fell. This sudden move was more than his poor body could take and he vomited up everything that he had eaten that day.

With the crash and the vomit, Rasta-man became a little dis-oriented. A dog was near by and came to lick up the vomit. The dread looked own at the vomit and said.

"see Ossey rice and peas deh, see the red juice weh Suzy gimme, but I cannot remember ah who give me the dog fi eat."

  _______________________________________________________________________________

As we know one of the things that Rasta-men are known for is the abstinence of eating pork (pig meat). Pluto Shevrington makes a funny song about it.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Bill wanted to get married to Wendy and wanted to get "WENDY" tattooed
on his Penis. He thought this was a nice gesture to say that he was only for her.
Unfortunately, when he was soft, only the 'W' and 'Y' were visible. 

Nevertheless, the proposal went well, and when he whipped it out for her, she happily
accepted his proposal.

Not long after the proposal, they got married and decided to go to Jamaica for their
honeymoon. At the airport, Bill had to stop and take a leak, so he popped into the men's
room. At the urinal next to him was a man with long dreads, and Bill happened to notice
that the man also had 'WY' tattooed on his penis.

"Sir, I know it's bad manners to look, but I noticed your tattoo. I have the same one.
What are the odds two guys with 'WENDY' tattoos standing next to each other, at the urinal?"

The Rastafarian shakes his head gives Bill a funny look, then glances down.

"Mine says "WELCOME TO JAMAICA, MON. HAVE A NICE DAY"

______________________________________________________________________

A Rastaman and his Empress inna court getting a divorce. The problem was who

should get custody of the child.

The Empress jumped up and said “Your honour, I brought the child into this world with

pain and labor. " She should be in my custody.

The judge turned to the Rastaman and said “What do you have to say in the matter?”

The Rastaman sat down for a while contemplating. Then slowly he rose and said,

“Yow…yuh honor, if I and I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi come out,

ah who fah Pepsi…I  and I or the machine?”

__________________________________________________________________________ ok...as the story goes a dread had this parrot that was sitting on his veranda, and everyday this lady would walk pass the parrot on the veranda to go to work. And every day that this parrot saw this lady it would say!

"Hey lady!" and when she would turn around to look, 

it would say, "You're Ugly!"

Now, this went on for several mornings. Although the lady was of a truth ugly, she did not

need a bird reminding her of this fact. So fed up with the bird's comments she knocked

on the Dread's gate and told the dread that he needed to get the parrot to stop telling her

that she was ugly! 

To which the Dread replied, "but Empress my bird only speak the truth."

LADY: "Truth or not if this continues I will have you in court for harassment"

DREAD: "Alright empress, no need to threaten with the law, I will do something"

So the next day the woman walks by the veranda again and not to her surprise the parrot

called out to her.

"Hey Lady!" she took out her recording device and then turned to the bird...but the parrot

just shook his head and said

"You Know!"

"You know!"

_________________________________________________________________________

A dread was dragged into court for stealing a goat. The judge turned to the Dread and asked,

"What is your defense Dread."

The dread replied, "Your honor, I have this goat from it ah likkle likkle kid, and mi grow it till it

tun big big goat and now dem wicked people wah seh ah tief di I and I tief mi own goat."

'

After hearing this testimony the judge throws out the case.

Not long after the same dread was brought into court for stealing a bicycle this time, the judge

turned to the Dread and asked, "What is your defense this time Dread."

With tears filling his eyes and his voice cracking he dread replied, "Your honor, I have this

bicycle from it ah likkle likkle tricycle, and now it tun big bicycle dem people yah, seh ah tief

di I tief mi own bicycle.

The judge just ordered the dread locked up and charged for both stealing the goat and bicycle.

_________________________________________________________________________

Suh dis lady com pan wah bus in Half Way Tree, heading towards Cross Roads. An as soon

as shi com on pan di bus, dis dread rouna di back start map ar out fram head to toe. Him look

until im simply coodn control imself anymore. Suh im step to the oman.

"Dawta, yuh av a twin?"

Di lady batting her eyes, and almost blushing look pan di dread an seh

"Ah wah...yuh know wi!?

"No empress, but one smaddi coodn ugly suh!!"

__________________________________________________

There was a dread in a district who owned a herd of goat. One day the dread visited his herd in the bushes and found out that someone had painted the goats. Now this made the dread very angry and he was determined to "deal wid" anybody who was brazen enough to paint his goats.

He started shouting and making a rucus in the neighborhood. "Ah who paint me goat dem!?"

He was inquiring all over the place until finally, he met the man who did it.

Ah me boss, ah me paint you goat dem, weh yuh ah guh duh bout it.

To which the dread just said.

Ahhh, mi juss di wah tell yuh seh di first coat dry, and if you want you can come put on the next coat.

Black man, Chiney man and White man - Jamaican Jokes

As a child these were the jokes we shared. Since racism was not a thing in Jamaica, it was quite fine to use these jokes. No one took offense to it. We all knew it was a joke.

Post any jokes here that you know about these three characters. Please keep it clean.


Dessert
Don't know why but black man, chiney man and white man were stranded in the desert for some time. They had been walking for what seemed like days and they were tired and very hungry. Suddenly White man stumbles upon something in the sand, and you guessed it. It was a lamp, Chiney man said I have seen this on tv, rub it and a genie will come out and grant wishes. So at Chiney man's request, the white man rubbed the lamp and out popped a genie.

"I am the genie of the lamp, I will grant each of you one wish. So with that white said I want to be the president of America...pling. The lamp fell to the ground, the White man disappeared and re-appeared in the white house with servants and food galore. Chiney man then blurted out, I wish to be emperor of China...Pling...Chiney man disappeared and re-appeared in China as the emperor.

Black man was so confused he didn't know how to make up his  mind. He started his wish several times

"I wish to be....no wait"

I know, I know he said excitedly ,,,,then he stopped and started again

"I wish for....hmmmm...that wont be right!"

then he held his head down in desperation and sighed as he said

"Oh I just wish whiteman and chiney man were here to help me make this decision"

PLING.....whiteman and Chineyman re-appear with blackman in the dessert.

Joke 2 -Offering

So these three men were each heads of their churches. An interview was conducted about the offering and these were the findings.

"So tell me Chiney man, what do you do with the offering on Sunday?"

"Well," came the response "I draw a Biiiig, Biiiig Circle throw the offering in the air and what drops in di circle is God's own. The rest is mine!

"Oh!" said the interviewer; shakes his head and moves on to the next Cleric,

"So tell me White-man, what do you do with the offering on Sunday?"

The offering on Sunday! Oh yes I draw a small square on the ground dash di money in di air an wah drop een-a di square is God own.

The interviewer is shocked! "Really"

"Yes!" White-man shakes his head with a grinn.

So the interviewer moves on to the next Cleric,

"So tell me Black-man, what do you do with the offering on Sunday?"

I don't draw no circle

I don't draw no square

I throw the money up in the air

and what stay up dere is God own.

                               Joke 3 -
O.k. so this is a combination of 3 jokes.. here goes

Blackman, chiney man, and whiteman were travelling for days without any food and now they were very, hungry. They happen to come across this plantation that had many, many fruits on it. So they decided that they would pick some.  They all split up located their favorite fruit and began munching down.

While they were eating, the farmer came out and caught them. The farmer said, "Since I'm in a good mood today, I won't report you to the authorities. (the punishment for stealing was death by a firing squad) The farmer said as punishment though you need to stuff 100 of the fruit you were eating up your ass.

Chiney-man was up first, and he grinned because he knew he ass was deep and further more, he was only picking cherries. So he stuffed and stuffed, but when he got up to about 73 he started struggling and asked the farmer for mercy because he could go no further. The farmer agreed, but Chineyman was not free to go until his other partners in crime had completed the same ordeal.

The Whiteman was up next. Before he even started he said, could you knock 50 off the 100 because I was picking grapes. The farmer said no, so Whiteman began stuffing. It looked like he was about to reach the 100 mark when at 89 he started crying. He started pleading for mercy and said that he would never steal again just let him stop now. The farmer agreed but Whiteman could not go until blackman had completed his share of the ordeal. So whiteman step aside and next to chineyman.

But blackman would not approach the farmer. He started sweating and pacing the floor. Why you pacing, get started the farmer shouted, to which blackman replied, “Sir, I can’t…I was picking coconuts!”

Joke 2

Since Blackman could not fulfill the deal. All three were locked up. However there was a forest close by the prison and the three men escaped into the forest.

The guards had blood hounds that could follow their scent and consequently the men were followed into the forest. All decided to climb trees.

When the blood hound started barking up Whiteman's tree. Whiteman started whistling like a bird. His whistle was so convincing that the men did not bother to look up the tree, but instead beat the dog, for not know the difference between a bird and a man. They then put the dog on the scent of Chineyman.

When the blood hound started barking up Chineyman's tree. Chineyman started Meowing like a cat. His meow was so convincing that the men did not bother to look up the tree, but instead beat the dog, for not know the difference between a cat and a man. They then put the dog on the scent of Blackman.

When the blood hound started barking up Blackman's tree.  Blackman got scared. He knew Whiteman whistled like a bird and Chineyman meowed like a cat. So Blackman panicked and Mooed like a caw. Although his Moo was convincing, the men wanted to see how the hell did this cow get up in the tree. They found blackman.

Not wanting to be caught alone Blackman pointed out that it was Whitemena and Chiney man in the other trees.

                                        Joke 1 -

Now in this country, the punishment for escaping prison was the firing squad.

So they brought whiteman in front the Firing squad near a beachfront. The firing instructor yelled out.

Ready!!

Aim!!

But before he could say another word Whiteman yelled out "Tidal Wave!!!!"

The firing squad dropped their weapons and ran, and Whiteman got away.

Not wanting the Chiney man to try the same stunt they brought him up in some hills in front the Firing squad. The firing instructor yelled out.

Ready!!

Aim!!

But before he could say another word Chineyman yelled out "Avalanche!!!!"

The firing squad dropped their weapons and ran, and Chineyman got away.

Knowing that the blackman was not too smart. They decided that they would just bring him in the back where there was a wooden cabin and do his execution there.

Blackman had heard about how Whiteman and Chineyman had gotten away and was going to try a stunt of his own. The firing instructor yelled out.

Ready!!

Aim!!

But before he could say another word  Blackman yelled out "Fire!!!!"

The firing squad did not drop their weapons. No more blackman.

Who cleans it best

Blackman, Chineyman, and Whiteman were hired as chimney sweepers. The boss asked Whiteman how he would do the job, and Whiteman said he would use a brush to clean the chimney from top to bottom. The boss then asked  Chineyman, how he would do the job, and  Chineyman, said he would use a special vacuum cleaner to suck out all the dirt from the chimney. Finally, the boss asked Blackman  how he would do the job, and Blackman  replied, "Nobody can clean it better than mother nature, So I'd just wait till she did her job!"

All three men were fired.

Pastor - Jamaican Jokes

Post any jokes here that you know about Pastor.

Pastor Joke 1

______________________________________

So it is testimony time in church and Sis (no teet) Margaret jumps up and says:

Praise di Lord brethren.  Every month I used to have bad bad belly cramps and headaches, but since Pastor James has started to visit me. I have been totally healed from my cramps for the past three months now. As a matter of fact, I have not had any periods either. I tell you sisters Pastor James is a miracle worker. Although sometimes I vomit in the morning that is nothing compared to the cramps and period headaches I used to feel. I have even started to put on weight, but it looks good on me though.

The members turn and look at Pastor James, and he faints.

_____________________________________________________

One night Pastor James came home from his weekly prayer meeting with

Sis Margaret, when he found a robber in his house. He shouted out “Robber Acts 2:38:

'Repent & be baptized & your sins will be forgiven.'" The robber quickly gave up and

The pastor called the police. 

While handcuffing the criminal, one policeman said, "Hey man, how come you gave up this

easy?

To which the robber replied, "You would too, if someone approached you with an axe and

two 38's!"

Big Boy - Jamaican jokes - Big Bway

Tell me seh dis nuh look like the image you have in yuh head of Big bway.

Post any jokes/stories here that you know about Big Boy. I'll' start with the few that I know.
________________________________________________

                  Joke 1 - Cricket Match

One day the Teacher gave the overnight assignment to the class to write about an interesting Cricket Match.

The following morning many of the boys and girls turned in numerous pages detailing the game of a cricket match. However Big Boy only turned in one page with one line on it.

It read, "Rain No play"

_________________________________________________

Joke 2 - Stop your donkey

Back in the child hood days of Big Boy, he had childhood responsibilities before he went to school. One of them was the tying to pasture of the family's donkey "GG." On this particular morning Big bay was in a rush and did not tie the donkey properly. It would eventually get away, but big boy was oblivious of this.

In class they were doing spelling and teacher had called on big boy to spell "egg." Big boy was always clueless. So with his head hung down, he began to mumble.

The teacher shouted, "Hold up your head and say the letters clearly so everyone can hear!!"

At the very moment Big Boy looked up and glimpsed through the window the family donkey running down the street.

In anxiety Big Boy started to jump and shout!

EEEEE GG, EEEEEEE GG, EEEEE GG, EEEEE GG, EEEEE GG, EEEEE GG

To which the teacher just smiled and said, "Yes you are right".

But Big boy would be in big trouble later that evening to find the family donkey.

****Note. back in those days a person would yell "EEE" to stop a donkey and "WHOOA" to stop a horse.***
_____________________________ 

Joke 3 - Art Class

In Art class one day, all students were supposed to draw a plane. While everybody was busy drawing big boy was just relaxing.

The art teacher walked up to him and asked, "Where is your drawing of the plane?"

Big boy pointed to a dot on his paper and said: "Here it is!

Art teacher: I don't see a plane! All I see is a dot!

Big boy: Oh that's just because it is far away
______________________________ 

Joke 4 - Lunch time-fight

On the way to lunch, Big Boy's teacher spotted him and another boy playfully fighting. To separate the two, she commanded Big Boy to go to the back of the line, but he came back right away. 

”Why aren't you at the end of the line?" asked the teacher. 

To which Big boy replied, "I couldn't!

Teacher: And why is that?

Big boy: Someone was already there."

_______________________________________________________


Joke 5 - Professor's visit
 One day Professor came to school and was assessing both the students and teacher for Big boy's class.

It was a fine day, Professor said, and a train was traveling 124 mph on the track. It had 2500 miles to travel. If the train takes 5 miles to stop, at what distance will the train need to be in order to cover the 2500 miles in 4 days?

If anyone can answer this question, they can also tell my age.

So everyone is trying to guess professors' age, but no one seems to be getting right.
Even Big Boy has his hand up, but the teacher does not want the professor to see it.

Despite her efforts, the professor calls on Big Boy

Professor: yes big boy
Big Boy: You are 46 years sir
Professor: Why yes, that is correct. Please tell the class how you got your answer.
Big boy: I have a neighbor who they call a half fool, and he is 23 years sir, and two times 23 is 46.

The class silent
______________________________________


Joke 6 - I don't know

Just to show that some jokes are only funny because of ignorance. This is one such joke.

____

Joke 7 - When Big Bwoy Grow Up

Teacher: Students! What do you want to be when you grow up?. 

Iceylyn:  I want to be a shopkeeper! (teacher nods), 

Teacher: What about you Ally?

Ally: I want to be a farmer Miss. (teacher nods)

Teacher: ...and you Keisha 

Keisha: I want to be a housewife and the mother of  5 children (teacher is shocked by this answer that she does not even know how to respond, but then she turns and points to Big Boy) 

Big Boy: (with a big grin on his face replies) “I just want to be the father for all of Keisha pickney dem!”

______________

Joke 8 - Church meeting

In prayer meeting one night Big Bway seh to him fren wah invite him a church.

Den di opposite of cook nuh raw?

Big bway fren seh

Yeah man, but hush di people dem ah pray.

After prayer, the fren seh Amen!,

Den him turn di Big Bway an seh, ah wah kinda question dat you ah ask in di middle of prayer?

BIg bway seh,

yeah man, mi just realize seh, fi guh ah heaven you soul haffi cook

Him fren seh

Ah wah kinda foolishness yuh ah talk big bway

Afta dat big bway blurt out

Afta nuh Raw Soul cyah go to heaven!

Reverend her di argument and throw out big bway an im fren outta di meeting.